Nov 6

Mastering Your Fear

“Excessive fear and self-doubt are the greatest detractors of personal genius”. 

Robert Kiyosaki

During the Halloween festivities this past weekend I started to think about what scares us. When you ask people what they are afraid of they mention everything from shadows in the night and sounds from an empty room to fear of public speaking or never being a “success.”  Fear is one of the most deeply rooted emotions and often drives our actions but are we using it to protect ourselves or allowing it to hold us back?

The Dictionary defines fear as “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil or pain whether the threat is real or imagined” and is often referred to as “False Evidence Appearing Real.”  How much of your “threat” is imagined?

Fear itself isn’t the issue, the issue occurs when we allow fear to imprison us.  After all, most of our day-to-day situations do not involve impending danger and the stories we tell ourselves about the “danger” we face is often far worse than the reality of the situation.

So how can we master fear to achieve our outcomes?

• Listen to your fear.  Fear lets us know that the current situation is “unfamiliar” and causes us to pause for further inquiry.  If we use fear as an advisor, it allows us to ask ourselves intelligent questions to determine how to proceed.

• Inquire about the truth around your fear.   Is this fear true?  Could this feeling of fear mean anything else?  If the fear weren’t true what could you believe?  What new opportunity is available to you with this new belief?

• Make a decision that moves you forward.  You may decide not to move forward on your initial idea and yet progress is vital to fulfillment.  A question I often asked clients is what action can you take to feel comfortable moving forward?  Not everyone can expect to go from where they are now to their ideal.  Mastering fear allows you to think through the situation, chunk your ideas into manageable pieces and make a plan that has you moving forward comfortably.

Consider the following areas of life where most people are fearful; apply the process outlined above to help you work through your fears in these areas:

• Intimate Relationship
• Career
• Parenting
• Public Speaking
• Failure
• Success

Notice how you feel during the process.  Does the intensity of your fear change?  Remember the goal is not to be without fear but instead to put fear in perspective and develop a plan to move forward.

You can’t know courage without knowing fear.  Master fear by using it as your guide.