Jul 15

3 Simple Steps to Confidence After Childbirth

I always considered myself a confident person, then in November 2003 my daughter was born.  I didn’t expect this common life shift to shake my confidence to its core, but it did.  Everyone had an opinion about how I should parent.  Their self-proclaimed expertise included topics ranging from nursing vs. formula; to binky vs. thumb; co-sleeping vs. own room; to stay-at-home-mom vs. daycare…AND no matter what I chose, it was wrong.  In the past, I was the person other people came to for advice; all of a sudden I questioned my own judgement, and I felt horrible about the decisions I made.

I, like many people, was looking for confidence outside myself (I wanted approval and validation from family and friends) and the truth was even when people complimented me I didn’t hear it. We often look to increase our self-confidence externally but self-confidence can only come from inside.  I didn’t know then but I know now, like any other mindset muscle, confidence shifts over time, needs to be strengthened daily and often takes time to (re)build after injury (sometimes that’s injury of the ego).

Here are 3 simple steps to help (re)build your self-confidence muscle:

• Define success – often we want to be successful but we never define what success looks like, so it remains a moving target we never reach.  I had to define success as a parent…and I had to be sure I defined it in a realistic way.  I know I’m never going to be the “perfect” parent so I settled on  “Success is showing my kids love and building their confidence daily.”  Short, simple and achievable!
• Create small wins – because of my mindset at the time I had to create small wins.  When the kids were little sometimes a win for me was taking a shower.  I can’t overflow to my kids when I’m totally depleted; taking the time to shower allowed me to show up as my best self for my kids and that was a win for me (and them).  It gets easy to get caught up in household chores and tasks, so other wins included going to a play-date or scheduling time at the playground.
• Stack success – as a form of self-protection our brains are programmed to focus on the negative and as a result we discount our successes.  When you are facing a shift in confidence, it’s important to write down 3-5 successes daily.  Record those small wins in a journal or in the notes section of your phone so you can see your progress and keep your mindset focused on success.

Within a year my confidence was back, but there are still times now dealing with teenagers my confidence wanes; I used these same techniques to pull myself out of my funk faster.

Laura Treonze, serves as Chief Life Strategist with LMT Consulting, which helps executives and teams create massive success through self-awareness. Her life-changing approach has transformed individuals and families and has redefined the way non-profits and corporations “do” business.