Dec 12
5 Ways To Screw Up Your Kids During the Holidays
Have you ever started off the season with Hallmark expectations and ended the holidays in a mountain of stress and flared tempers? The truth is we are so busy “doing” the season we forget about how we are “being.” To make matters worse, we don’t think about the impact our self-induced pressure puts on our kids. Here are the top five ways we unintentionally screw up our kids during the holidays and how to avoid them:
#1: Projecting your holiday stress on your kids – It’s easy to get so caught up in “doing” all the things we think we “should” do for the holidays we miss out on enjoying the season with our kids.
Solution: Decide what is a MUST for you this holiday season and forget the rest. What are the key holiday experiences you enjoy? Schedule those and limit how many you do each week. (Chances are no one will even notice what you don’t do.) By focusing on the experiences you really want, you’ll be more relaxed, and you’ll have the energy to build treasured memories with your kids.
#2: Focus on gifts over gratitude – The meaning of season has been lost as the focus of the holidays has shifted to getting gifts rather than giving gratitude.
Solution: First, limit the number of gifts you give your kids. One practical way of doing this is to set your kids expectations up front. I have a friend who uses a four gift system: something to read, something they need, something to wear, and something they want. Second, talk to your kids about the importance of gratitude. There are so many ways to show gratitude that don’t cost a dime, only your time – here is a sample act of kindness calendar for December.
#3: Constant comparing – In a time of social media obsession, it is easy to get caught up in making comparisons with other people — especially during the holidays.
Solution: Make a conscious effort to talk to your kids about the experiences and blessings you’ve had as a family during the past year. Remember, social media is a highlight reel of someone’s life; make time to review your own highlight reel with your kids by looking through the pictures on your phone and recalling your memories together.
#4: Over-scheduling your holiday break – Between visiting family, fulfilling holiday obligations, and trying to fit in family fun, we often over-schedule the holiday break — leading to melt-downs, exhaustion, and added stress.
Solution: Slow down! Block out time on your schedule where you don’t have to be anywhere or do anything so you can decompress from all the activities. Keep your kids on a regular schedule as much as possible. Before committing to any activity, ask yourself if you really want to do it – it’s healthy to set boundaries around your activities and focus on the things that bring you the most joy during this season.
#5: Allowing unlimited time on devices or gaming systems – Your kids are happy playing on their devices, which means you can get a lot of stuff done. Win-win, right? Wrong! Studies show too much technology is negatively impacting our kids (listen to my podcast to hear more on the subject), so it’s important to limit their use.
Solution: First, if you don’t already limit your kid’s device time, then have the conversation with them about your expectations during the winter break. Give them an opportunity to negotiate the amount of time they have to use their device – making them part of the conversation will give them ownership over the new rules when you need to implement them later. Next, get creative with your kids and have them make a list of 10-15 things (or more) they could do instead of using their device. Finally, it’s important to enforce the time limit you set. When it’s time for your kids to put down their device, remind them to pick up their list. They will quickly (re)discover there are a lot of ways to have fun and forcing them to use their imagine will help them become more resourceful, a skill they will need throughout their life.
We don’t intend to screw up our kids and yet under the pressure, tension, stress, and fatigue of the season we do. This year, focus on creating a holiday experience with your family that will increase your joy and make treasured memories.
Laura Treonze, serves as Chief Life Strategist with LMT Consulting, which helps executives and teams create massive success through self-awareness. Her life-changing approach has transformed individuals and families and has redefined the way non-profits and corporations “do” business.
