Mar 12

Everybody Hates Me

Everybody Installation, designed by Tibor Kalman with Scott Stowell and Andy Jacobson, M&Co., Times Square, 1993

Who is everybody? Can I be 100% confident EVERYBODY hates me? I think my Mom likes me…at least a little bit.

In all seriousness, how often you use words like: all, nobody, everybody, always, and never?

“Everyone is struggling.”
“No one is doing well in this economy.”
“I always get passed over for promotions.”
“He never listens to me.”

We tend to use these universal qualifiers to justify our perceived limitations and because of their frequent use they have become socially acceptable as absolute truth. After all, if everybody knows this or nobody does that who wants to the one person who disagrees with everybody or does what nobody would do?

Although universal qualifiers make us feel better in the moment they do not serve us long-term.   These words literally shut down the part of our brain that searches for solutions because we have already concluded there aren’t any available.

You may not be able control the first thought that comes into your mind but you can control the thoughts that follow.   Listen to your qualifying statements and begin questioning your beliefs from there.

Start by asking “is the statement true?”
Are there any examples where it is not true?
If it weren’t true what could you believe?

Also consider open-ended questions to stay resourceful and use exaggeration to find counter examples.

“You mean EVERYBODY is struggling?”
“What industry/business/person is doing well in this economy?”
“What would it take to get promoted?”
“When has he listened to you?”

Unless you are all-knowing (which none of us are) find comfort in the fact there are always exceptions to a universal qualifier. Find the exception and stay resourceful!