Dec 21

Parenting Corner – Making Amends

Q. We typically spend Christmas Eve with my parents but our relationship has become very strained, so this year I suggested to my kids we create new traditions.  Since they don’t know how tough it’s been with my parents they want to go to their grandparents.  Do I stay true to me or make amends for my kids?

A. Great question! If you decide to make amends with your parents it MUST be because you want to, not because your children want to spend the holidays at their house.  Forcing yourself to “get over” the situation will prevent you from benefiting from the healing process that comes with true forgiveness.  Remember you don’t forgive because it makes a difference to them, you forgive to free yourself.

Also, we teach people how to treat us.  By making amends you are teaching your children their feelings are more important than your own.  You don’t have to go into details about the strain with your parents to stand in your truth about your relationship with them.  Being honest about your relationship allows you to talk to your kids about communication in a relationship and gives you an opportunity to discuss the type of relationship you want with your parents and with children.  (IMPORTANT:  Only discuss the part of the relationship you have control over – focus on “I’m not able to show up as my best self because I disagree with them a lot…” and stay away from “I wish grandma and grandpa would…”)

Finally, you determine your self worth by the integrity of your word to yourself. Your decision to stay true to you isn’t against your parents, it’s for you.  If you don’t stay true to you, no one else will.

Laura Treonze, serves as Chief Life Strategist with LMT Consulting, which helps executives and teams create massive success through self-awareness. Her life-changing approach has transformed individuals and families and has redefined the way non-profits and corporations “do” business.