Aug 23

Parenting Corner – My son hates camp

Q. My son is at overnight camp for two weeks and after 3 days wants to come home. He is totally miserable but I think it’s important he stick it out, while my husband wants to let him come home. What do we do?

A. Great question! This is a common challenge for parents during the summer months. Kids are often overly optimistic about going away because their focus is on freedom from parents, fun activities, and time with friends; they don’t consider all the possibilities, one being they might not like camp. (For parents considering overnight camp it is helpful talk to your kids in advance about what happens if they don’t enjoy it and specifically what circumstances would allow them to come home early.)

There is no right or wrong answer on whether or not your son should come home early from camp. You have to decide what is comfortable for him and for you. The most important part of the decision is you and your husband MUST be in agreement. Sending your son the message you want him to stay while your husband wants him home could be harmful to your relationship and will undermine your ability to effectively parent together in the future.

Attending camp should be viewed as a serious commitment (after all it is a commitment of time and financial resources) and the decision to leave should not be made in haste or taken lightly. It’s important to have a conversation with your son about the benefits of staying and the consequences of leaving camp early. The most effective approach is through questions to help him self-discover the best outcome for him. Some questions could include:

• What is the greatest challenge you face at camp? (You want to get to the heart of his concerns; be sure to go deeper than surface answers. For example, “The kids here aren’t nice…” “I understand that can be tough, what is a specific example of how they aren’t nice?” Then you want to help him see beyond his current viewpoint, “Who is nice? Are your counselors nice?”)
• What is the benefit of leaving camp early? What is the benefit of staying at camp through the end? (For a kid who wants to leave, it may be difficult for him to find reasons to stay, therefore you will need to help him see the benefits through further questioning.)
• If you leave camp early you will be quitting, how do you feel about quitting?
• What is one thing you could to do make camp better right now?
• What would it take for you to stay at camp until the end?
• Who can you talk to at camp who can help you work through your decision to stay or leave?
• A consequence of leaving is you will have to pay us back for the cost of camp, how do you plan to make money when you come home?

As parents our job is NOT to make life easier for our kids, our job is to give them the skills they need to survive and thrive in the world. Kids need to learn resilience and resourcefulness, and that doesn’t happen unless they are encouraged to overcome challenges on their own. Asking these questions will give you a deeper sense of his situation. Of course, there are negative circumstances you wouldn’t want your child to endure for two minutes, let alone two weeks; however, often when you go deeper with your kids you will find the situation is uncomfortable because it’s new and different, not because it’s problematic.

The conversation you have with your son is more important than his decision to stay or leave camp. Go deep with questions to understand him and the situation so you, your husband, and your son know with confidence he made the right decision regardless of what it is.

Laura Treonze, serves as Chief Life Strategist with LMT Consulting, which helps executives and teams create massive success through self-awareness. Her life-changing approach has transformed individuals and families and has redefined the way non-profits and corporations “do” business.