Apr 26
Parenting Corner – My son is lazy
Q: My son is lazy. Although he gets good grades he doesn’t apply himself. He participates in sports and activities but only when pushed by me and my husband. How do I get him to be more of a go-getter?
A. Great question! Often we parent based on our behavioral style instead of our child’s, so you need to dig into your beliefs before labeling your son. How do you define lazy? How do you define go-getter? How important is amount of effort vs. successful outcome? A lack of drive or competitiveness does not necessarily mean your son is lazy; some children are more internally motivated which means they do not display external drive as they work toward achievement. Some children are more focused on the result so they are resourceful in finding the fastest way to reach their desired outcome.
It will be helpful to ask yourself, is it true my son is lazy? Is there any other reason he could be exhibiting these traits? If I didn’t believe my son was lazy, what could I believe? (Be honest with yourself, if your belief is strong, don’t make up a flowery answer; instead go with a step-up from where you are now.) How can I show my son support with my new beliefs? Rewording your language in a way that’s authentic and allows you to see him in a new light will serve you both.
Also know, highly resourceful kids who do not appear to be applying themselves to traditional activities tend to spend their time focused in one or two specific areas. Observe (or even ask him) where he prefers to spend his time. What are ways you can understand and explore those activities with him?
Ultimately you must decide, what is the real result you want? You know you don’t want a lazy son but does that mean he has to be a “go-getter”? Get specific. If having a son with a good work ethic is the goal then focus on that. If increased involvement in sports, the community, or in school is your goal then focus on those (individually). By exploring your beliefs, seeing your son in a new light and exchanging generic language for specific language you will connect with your son in a way that allows you to help him be his best self.
Laura Treonze, serves as Chief Life Strategist with LMT Consulting, which helps executives and teams create massive success through self-awareness. Her life-changing approach has transformed individuals and families and has redefined the way non-profits and corporations “do” business.
