Mar 15
Parenting Corner – Paying for extracurricular activities
Q. My kids are constantly asking me for lunch money, money for field trips and extracurricular activities. I don’t feel I can say no; I want them to be able to participate with their friends. At the same time this is getting expensive, do you have any advice?
A. Great question! There are three things to keep in mind while contemplating your challenge: #1) it’s important to recognize you have a choice and you can say no. The distinction of choice shifts your energy from “I feel I have to” to “I happily choose to”, #2) kids need to understand they are not entitled to life’s extras; they are a privilege you provide, and #3) it’s not your job as the parent to make it easy for your kids, it’s your job to teach them how to survive on their own. Let’s address each point individually.
#1: It’s important to own your choices as a parent. What changes when you believe your only obligation to your children is to provide food, water and shelter? What changes when everything else you provide above and beyond is your choice? This 2mm shift in perspective can create a massive shift in energy for you and your kids. Removing the negative context of obligation allows you to give of yourself with generosity and love and can make this 2mm shift in perspective happen.
#2: There is a valuable lesson in saying no and/or having your kids make a choice between expenses. If you say no it’s helpful to explain your reasoning. Remember you do not explain to gain agreement but to create understanding. Also, do not use language that includes “we can’t afford it” or any similar version. Regardless of your financial situation, your language will have a long-term impact on your child’s beliefs about money. If money is an issue, you can be honest without coming from a position of lack. An example conversation could include, “I have to make lots of decisions about how I spend my money to stay within a budget, so it’s important you learn how to make good decisions about money, too.” Then you can discuss their choices and the budget available. Living by a budget allows them to experience first-hand the impact of high cost activities and how that limits their other spending choices.
#3: It is often helpful to have kids pay their own way so they better understand the value of money. In this case you could have them pay (in-full or partially) for their extras. They can use holiday money or find ways to make extra money. TIP: Don’t offer them solutions for ways to make money, ask them first. Let them get resourceful; you may be surprised by what they come up with. A back-up option for making money if they can’t come up with anything on their own is doing extra chores around the house. (It is recommended you NOT pay kids for daily chores; those are expected as a member of the family. The chores are most effective when they are above and beyond dishes, laundry, clean room, etc). Some ideas include: washing/cleaning cars, cleaning the garage, cleaning/organizing drawers/cabinets; take a look around to find chores you wish were done but you never seem to have the time to do and “hire” your children for those tasks.
If you shift your perspective from “I have to” to “I choose to”, and get your children involved with budgeting and earning money, you’ll discover that you’re happier, your kids are more resourceful, and they are learning valuable life lessons along the way.
Laura Treonze, serves as Chief Life Strategist with LMT Consulting, which helps executives and teams create massive success through self-awareness. Her life-changing approach has transformed individuals and families and has redefined the way non-profits and corporations “do” business.
