Nov 10

Parenting Corner – Our Son Wants to Quit His Team

Q: My son is an excellent athlete who often plays on elite teams; recently his high school coach suggested he practice with a particular team during pre-season however the team is horrible and my son is miserable after every practice. He wants to quit but my husband and I think it’s important he stick it out, what should we do?

A. Great question! It is important that your son remain on the team because of the valuable life-lessons gained from the experience. Sit down and talk to your son about the team and his role on it. Begin by acknowledging his feelings about the team. Be careful to stay neutral during the conversation; use language like, “I hear you”, “I understand” and “what can I do to support you while you finish the season with them?” You don’t want to fuel the story he has created about the team’s talent (or lack there of).

Once your son feels heard, he will be more open to discussing the benefits of this experience. Explain to him that in life we often don’t get to choose our “team” – in school we don’t choose our classmates/project-mates, at work we don’t choose our colleagues, in relationships we don’t choose our in-laws – therefore it’s valuable to learn how to work with what you have. Since our brain naturally filters where we place our focus, it’s important he look at the team with a new perspective. Have him point out five benefits of being on this particular team at this stage of his athletic career. Then empower him to create his own experience by asking, “What do you want to your experience to be while you are with this group of players?” Teaching him to remain the “cause” of the situation instead of being the “effect” is the key to him finding success with this group of athletes today and with any group he encounters in the future.

Laura Treonze, serves as Chief Life Strategist with LMT Consulting, which helps executives and teams create massive success through self-awareness. Her life-changing approach has transformed individuals and families and has redefined the way non-profits and corporations “do” business.